Clown Helsing

Modern (comedic, horror, vampires)
Self Published
2015
Complexity: 2

Let’s try something different, shall we? How about a game about vampire-hunting clowns? No, that’s too different? Well too bad, you’ve already started reading the vampire-hunting clown game review so you might as well buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Clown Helsing is--as previously stated--a game about clowns who hunt vampires. Why clowns, why vampires, why anything? You’ll just have to read on to find out. Or I guess you could just read the book, but then you’d be missing out on my whimsically meandering commentary.

Cannibal Contagion

A Horrific Survival Comedy Role-Playing Game
Modern (comedic, horror, zombies)
Alliterated Games
2008
Complexity: 3

So it occurs to me that my ‘horror’ game reviews have been almost entirely focused on splatterpunk/slasher/gorefest type games and not suspenseful, psychological, ‘real horror’ games. I have no plans to change that.
Cannibal Contagion is a zombie survival game, although it specifies that it can be about other things than zombies—provided said things are effectively zombies, like the demons in Demons—but really, it’s clearly intended as a zombie game. It’s probably worth noting that while this is a digest-size book, it also weighs in at a meaty—pun intended—200+ pages.

Herzfuck

Modern (horror, occult)
Left Hand Publishing
2017
Complexity: unplayable as presented

Here’s the thing about edginess: a little bit is tolerable, a moderate amount brings back cringe-inducing memories of angsty teenage antics, a lot is just sad, and an extreme amount becomes comical—whether intentional or not. I find that things with “fuck” in their title tend to fall into the latter two categories.
Herzfuck is yet another one-page role-playing game, which puts the players in the role of… well just kinda regular folks trying to stop a cult from summoning the titular “ancient demon of sex and murder.”

Shriek

The Game of Teen Horror
Modern (horror)
Deep7
1999
Complexity: 2

When I first saw the cover art for Shriek I had really high hopes for it. At this point I’m assuming you’ve glanced back at the cover and have now returned expecting some sort of explanation that makes me not seem like a crazy person. Well, I can’t make myself not seem like a crazy person, but I can explain that making a game based on cheap horror films actually look like a cheap horror film is a great idea. But I won’t get too much into that right now.
Anyway, back to reviewing. Shriek is another ones of those one-page RPGs that I’ve taken to reviewing as of late—also I realized I haven't reviewed anything from the ‘90s. So this is going to be another short review.. Unless I go off on some weird tangent, which is always a possibility.

Ghost Stories

Horror Mystery Adventures
Modern (horror, occult)
Politically Incorrect Games
2003
Complexity: 3

Y’all ready for some spooky ghost story themed role-playing? Well then Ghost Stories, I guess technically does offer that, but it’s really more of a general occult horror game. That being said, it does have something to offer in terms of some casual spooky gaming.

Evil Dead: Swallow This!

[d20 Modern supplement]
Various (comedic, horror) [fan game]
Self Published
2003

BAM! Surprise bonus review—well, actually I guess I don’t really have the audience for anyone to be surprised or not surprised by this bonus review, but I’ll just pretend like I do. Anyway, I came across this document while doing research for Evil Dead D6—yes, I actually do research on these things—and it seemed interesting, so I decided to review it. But since it’s so short, I decided not to count it as a regularly-scheduled review.

Evil Dead D6

Various (comedic, horror) [fan game]
Self Published
2002
Complexity: 2

Now you may be asking why I, some weirdo on the internet, would be reviewing a fan-made Evil dead D6 system conversion from 2002 and originally distributed via a—surprisingly still operational—Tripod site, when there’s a perfectly good Army of Darkness role-playing game from Eden Studios. And if you are, then you obviously don’t understand how I do things around here.
As stated, this is a fan game, which generally means I’m going to be uncharacteristically nice in my review because the creator never expected anyone to pay for the game.

Blood!

The Role-playing Game of Modern Horror (second edition)
Modern (Horror)
Postmortem Studios
2006
Complexity: 4

It’s time to start the Spooktober festivities with a spooky horror game. Blood! Is a game that more-or-less seeks to emulate modern horror films—or since the original came out in 1990, horror films of the ‘70s and ‘80s. Both versions are also notably British, which I guess is only relevant if you know about the banning and censorship of horror films that was going on there in the 1980s. Anyway, video nasty history aside, Blood! is a game with a lot to offer, some might even say too much—I would be one of those people. Let’s just say there’s a reason I added a complexity rating to my review format.

[Spooktober Horroreviews!]

Why hello there, this is just a notice that for the whole of October I'll be reviewing two horror games each week. But to make things interesting, each week I'll be reviewing one game that might be good and one game that probably isn't good... and it'll probably be fairly obvious which is which. So make sure to tune in each Tuesday and Thursday in October—except for the last one which will be on Wednesday because I ran out of Thursdays.

Dungeon Reave

Medieval (fantasy)
New Realms Publishing
2016
Complexity: 4

I came across Dungeon Reave while browsing games and initially thought it didn’t warrant my interest. But then I caught a very important sentence in the description, “Dungeon Reave is closely compatible with Xtraor.” Yes, that Xtraor, the worst game I’ve reviewed and notably one that claims to be “revised” while looking like it hasn’t even been proofread. Well obviously at this point I knew I had to review Dungeon Reave—which also claims to be revised. What mysteries does Dungeon Reave hold, does it bring redemption or further condemnation for the mysterious “J?” Join me and find out. Or not.

Console: Handheld

Medieval (fantasy)
Self Published
2009

Console: Handheld is the third in a series of games intended to recreate the feeling of a CRPG, plus it’s a pocket game, and I’m on a bit of a micro game kick at the moment.
The interesting thing about Console: Handheld is that rather than just being a handheld game based on console RPGs, it a handheld game based on handheld console RPGs; seeming to take the bulk of its influence from the early SaGa—aka Final Fantasy Legend—series. Honestly the influence is so strong that I’m not sure if I should be considering this a SaGa fan game or not.

Phones of Glory

Modern
Bully Pulpit Games
2018
Complexity: 1

So I wanted to mix up my random selection method, so I decided to just go to free rule books and review whatever the newest title was. And that title was Phones of Glory, a game about civic engagement. Now this isn’t really a role-playing game in the strictest sense, or any but the loosest sense—the same sense in which any social interaction is a role-playing game—but as I’ve often stated, this is my blog and I just kinda do whatever I feel like. This will however, be a super short review.
Wait a minute, did I just call life a LARPG?

Cookie Jar

Modern (crime)
Post World Games
2011

Well, randomly selecting a game to review seemed to work out pretty good last time, so I did it again. This time I will be looking at Cookie Jar, which at just over 500 words is the shortest game I’ve reviewed, and my shortest review to date.
Cookie Jar is a game of crimes, or rather the accusation of, denial of, and concession to crimes. And while it may be a very little game, it’s definitely an interesting little game.

PreHysteria

Prehistoric (comedic)
Fantasy Core Games
2012

So it turns out that I have a bunch of games I downloaded and either never read, or completely forgot about. This is one such game.
As one may guess, this is a caveman-themed game—which there really don’t seem to be too many of—and also seems to be intended by the creators to be played while drinking heavily. But I don’t drink heavily so I’ll be reviewing it totally sober, which in retrospect may have been a bad idea.

Lunch Box Heroes

Universal (fantasy)
Chubby Monster Games, Frugal GM
2014
Complexity: 2

I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m specifically targeting games for review that I think will be bad. So here’s what I did: went to DriveThruRPG, searched for free core rule books, generated a random number within the range of total results, selected that number product, and reviewed it.
And fortunately for me, this first foray into randomly-selected content returned Lunch Box Heroes, a mildly delightful, rules-lite, kinda portable RPG.
Now if you’re confused by the concept of a “portable RPG” that’s okay, it’s a stupid term that I made up right now. But what I mean is the game is designed to be played with minimal dedicated resources. Aside from the rules—which can be printed in a 2.75×4.25-inch booklet—is a pencil and coins for randomization—however, I will be referring to the coins as d2s from this point on because it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want.

Barbarians of the Gothic Waste

Medieval (fantasy)
Micro RPG
2016
Complexity: 3

Yes, I am back again after a longer hiatus and ready to review more obscure role-playing games, which, as previously stated, is the general theme of this blog.
Today I will be reviewing Barbarians of the Gothic Waste, a rules-lite pulp barbarian themed sword and sorcery game; or alternatively, one of those random games that you find for free on DriveThruRPG and think “meh I guess I’ll check it out.”
It’s probably worth noting that this is one of only three games published by Micro RPG, all of which were released from March to May 2016. And since that time all traces of Micro RPG and it’s parent publisher WitchWorks Magazine Ltd. seem to have mysteriously disappeared from the internet.
It’s also worth noting that this review is extremely harsh. Like I actually feel a little bad about it. So please remember that these are just my opinions and I have very strong opinions on certain things. Objectively the game is not as bad as I may make it seem.

Eldritch Ass Kicking: The Roleplaying Game

Medieval (fantasy)
Mythic Ages Online
2003
Complexity: 2

Alright, after a short hiatus I’m back with more obscure role-playing game reviews, since that’s kinda the general theme here. Today I will be looking at Eldritch Ass Kicking: The Roleplaying Game—hereafter referred to as EAK because I’m lazy—a game with the interesting hook that everyone are wizards. Yes, an entire game based around crotchety old magic-users and their obsession with obtaining obscenely powerful arcane secrets and treasures. Well I guess hypothetically you could hypothetically play a young amicable wizard dedicated to preventing forest fires or some such thing, but I fail to see the appeal in such an endeavor.

I should mention that there was another edition of this game released in 2004, but I have this version so that’s the one I’m reviewing.

Ratpack

A Game of Suburban Survival

Modern (animal)
Self Published
2005
Complexity: 2

Introduction
Well I’ve already covered games where you play as crawdads and vegetables, so why not rats? Ratpack is—as one may assume—a game about packs of rats, just going about doing rat stuff like finding food, avoiding predators, and having adventures—rats have adventures all the time, it’s a scientific fact. It’s also written by Jared A. Sorensen, making this unintentionally my first review of a game by a previously-reviewed creator.

Schauermärchen

A Very Scary Little Game

Historic (horror)
John Wick
2005
Complexity: 2

Introduction
Schauermärchen—which apparently is German for “horror story”—is a game about children trying to not get murdered in a nightmarish landscape. That description should more-or-less tell you if this is the sort of game you may be interested in.

The most interesting thing is what a complete little package this is; combining a system, setting, and story all within a 16-page booklet. Given that this is a stand-alone entity, I’m going to be trying to avoid anything that might spoil the game for potential players. If you want to be extra safe in that aspect, avoid the Content section.

Broomstix

Modern (fantasy) [fan game]
Self Published
2002

Alright dumbledorks, buckle up because today I will be reviewing a fan-made Harry Potter RPG. Why? Because the official Harry Potter RPG has an annoying habit of continued non-existence—presumably because J. K. Rowling doesn’t like the idea of a bunch of nerds having sexy Hogwarts adventures in their basement.
Broomstix is the earliest noteworthy fan-made Harry Potter RPG—coming all the way from ye olde year 2002. A genre that actually has surprisingly few entries. There are a few others, which I may review at a later date.
If it seems like I’m being uncharacteristically kind in this review, it’s because this is a fan-made freely-distributed game. And I’m not going to hold it to the same standards as a commercial product.

The Veggie Patch

Medieval (comedic, fantasy)
Polgarus Games
2006

Introduction
If there’s one thing that grabs my attention when it comes to a role-playing game, it’s putting players into non-traditional roles—as evidenced by my glowing review of Creeks and Crawdads. Sure playing a musclebound barbarian or a suave space pirate is fun, but it doesn’t really pose much of a challenge to one’s creativity. But you know what does pose such a challenge? Playing as sentient vegetables, and as you may have already figured out, that is exactly what The Veggie Patch offers.

Xtraor

Post-Apocalyptic
New Realms Publishing
2016
Complexity: 4

Introduction
Here at SWotIRORG I review obscure role-playing games. That is technically what Xtraor is, and as such, I am reviewing it. Admittedly, I went into this with some pretty low expectations—I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but seriously, look at that cover. And for the most part my expectations were about right, but there is still something worth looking at here, otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered writing up this review.

Creeks and Crawdads

Post-Apocalyptic (animal, comedic)
Crustaceum Games
1986

Introduction
Creeks and Crawdads is a post-apocalyptic role-playing game with a twist, no rugged armored sports car driving heroes, no scantily-clad three-breasted pyrokinetic mutant babes, no cyborg bears with laser eyes, just sapient crawdads. Yes, in this world only the lowliest creatures survived the atomic war and you play as hyper-intelligent mutated crawdads. Just to be clear here, when I say “hyper-intelligent” I of course mean by crawdad standards, by human standards they’re profoundly stupid. For example, the most intelligent crawdads have the noteworthy abilities of being able to count to 7, remember how many members are in their group and all their names, and remember things for several “sleeps.” So let’s dive in—okay I swear that’s the only aquatic pun—and check it out.

TWERPS: The World's Easiest Role-Playing System

Universal (comedic)
Reindeer Games, Gamescience
1987
Complexity: 1

Introduction
Published in 1987, TWERPS is one of the first “superlight” roleplaying system. The game was originally published in a pink 4.5×7-inch 8-page booklet—i.e. It is very very small. The minds behind this madness were Jeff & ‘Manda Dee—yes, the Jeff Dee who did some of the best D&D illustrations. So let’s get into this unnecessarily complex review of an unnecessarily simple game.