2018-10-18

Clown Helsing

Modern (comedic, horror, vampires)
Self Published
2015
Complexity: 2


Let’s try something different, shall we? How about a game about vampire-hunting clowns? No, that’s too different? Well too bad, you’ve already started reading the vampire-hunting clown game review so you might as well buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Clown Helsing is--as previously stated--a game about clowns who hunt vampires. Why clowns, why vampires, why anything? You’ll just have to read on to find out. Or I guess you could just read the book, but then you’d be missing out on my whimsically meandering commentary.

Setting: 3/3 [+]
In the world of Clown Helsing vampires are creatures whose only goal is to suck the fun out of life, basically immortal killjoys. Of course, as joyless jerks vampires are heavily dependent on their dignity--or their perceived dignity--with the only way to destroy them being stripping them of that dignity. And who better to indignify a stuffy vampire that zany clowns? Nobody, that’s who. It’s one thing to throw together a ridiculous concept, it’s another thing altogether to actually come up with a reasonable explanation for that ridiculous concept.

Character Creation: 2/5
Each clown gets three ‘schticks,’ specific clowning types like unicycle riding, buffoonery, juggling, etc. Each schtick is assigned 1, 2, or 3 dice. Examples are provided, but players are encouraged to come up with whatever form of clownery they wish. They also get a “prop” for each of their shticks, which grants a +1 bonus and/or may be required--as it would be somewhat difficult to show off your unicycle skills without a unicycle. Each clown also starts with 6 ‘mirth’ this game equivalent of hit points.
It’s not exactly the deepest character creation system, but I guess it gets the job done.

Mechanics: 3/5
The basic mechanics are as such: a number of d6 are rolled for the schtick being used, with all results of 1, 2, or 3 being added together for the result, plus bonuses from props, with target set by the task difficulty. Checks made when confronting vampires are known as ‘gags’ and have a difficulty set by the vampire’s ‘dignity.’ Dignity is somewhat of a catch-all stat for vampires, functioning as defense, hit points, and damage. Successful gags can reduce a vampires dignity, and upon reaching dignity 0 they collapse in a pile of ash. Of course a pie in the face is really only humiliating if someone’s there to see it, which is where things get interesting. In order to damage a vampire’s dignity clowns must first ‘cajole’ to attract ‘gawkers’ to witness the vampire’s indignification. During gags each 6 rolled during a check can be spent to either damage the vampire’s dignity, regain mirth, or attract gawkers. Poorly executed shticks or using the same schtick twice in a row can cause the audience to lose interest and leave and/or allow the vampire to use their ‘rotes’--special vampire powers. So clowns need not only fight a vampire, but attract and entertain an audience while doing so. And of course there is the rubber chicken, which can be awarded to a player for making the group laugh, and cashed in to add one non-scoring die--those rolled higher than 3--to their check and gain the effect of an extra 6.
Once again, not the deepest, but it a good job at conveying the odd and extremely specific theme of the game. Of course, as is the case with oh so many games, there is very little detail given on actions not directly related to combat.

Writing and Presentation: 2/5
The witting is… okay, it’s so-so. Some sections definitely could have done with a few more goings over for clarity and fixing of errors. At one point Clown Helsing--the name of the organization that oversees vampire-hunting clowns--is referred to as ‘Van Helsing’ and like, come on, get your pun right. But the rules are written so as to be understandable, and apparently I’m at the point where that’s a passing grade.
All the art is generally pretty old--like turn of the century old--stock art, although I will say that they probably did as good of a job as you could illustrating this concept without any original art.

Content: 2/5 [−]
Clown Helsing is one of those “here’s the general idea, you can take it from there” games. As such, there's not too much content to be had. There's a couple sample clowns, a couple sample vampires, and a handful of vampire rotes, but that’s about it.

Final Remarks
Clown Helsing is a game about vampire-hunting clowns. Honestly that’s enough for you to know if it’s the sort of thing you’re going to be interested in. It’s not like you’re going to find a better--or worse--game with that premise. It’s actually one of only two games I’m aware of that even feature clowns as a central theme. It’s a sad commentary on society that the clown-craving tabletop gamer market is almost completely ignored.

Base Points: 7
Character Creation: 2/5, Mechanics: 3/5, Presentation: 2/5
Adjustments: +0
Setting: +1, Writing: +0, Content: −1

Overall Score 47% (7/15 Points)
It’s vampire-hunting clowns. I don’t know what more you want.



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