Eldritch Ass Kicking: The Roleplaying Game

Medieval (fantasy)
Mythic Ages Online
2003
Complexity: 2

Alright, after a short hiatus I’m back with more obscure role-playing game reviews, since that’s kinda the general theme here. Today I will be looking at Eldritch Ass Kicking: The Roleplaying Game—hereafter referred to as EAK because I’m lazy—a game with the interesting hook that everyone are wizards. Yes, an entire game based around crotchety old magic-users and their obsession with obtaining obscenely powerful arcane secrets and treasures. Well I guess hypothetically you could hypothetically play a young amicable wizard dedicated to preventing forest fires or some such thing, but I fail to see the appeal in such an endeavor.

I should mention that there was another edition of this game released in 2004, but I have this version so that’s the one I’m reviewing.

Ratpack

A Game of Suburban Survival

Modern (animal)
Self Published
2005
Complexity: 2

Introduction
Well I’ve already covered games where you play as crawdads and vegetables, so why not rats? Ratpack is—as one may assume—a game about packs of rats, just going about doing rat stuff like finding food, avoiding predators, and having adventures—rats have adventures all the time, it’s a scientific fact. It’s also written by Jared A. Sorensen, making this unintentionally my first review of a game by a previously-reviewed creator.

Schauermärchen

A Very Scary Little Game

Historic (horror)
John Wick
2005
Complexity: 2

Introduction
Schauermärchen—which apparently is German for “horror story”—is a game about children trying to not get murdered in a nightmarish landscape. That description should more-or-less tell you if this is the sort of game you may be interested in.

The most interesting thing is what a complete little package this is; combining a system, setting, and story all within a 16-page booklet. Given that this is a stand-alone entity, I’m going to be trying to avoid anything that might spoil the game for potential players. If you want to be extra safe in that aspect, avoid the Content section.

Broomstix

Modern (fantasy) [fan game]
Self Published
2002

Alright dumbledorks, buckle up because today I will be reviewing a fan-made Harry Potter RPG. Why? Because the official Harry Potter RPG has an annoying habit of continued non-existence—presumably because J. K. Rowling doesn’t like the idea of a bunch of nerds having sexy Hogwarts adventures in their basement.
Broomstix is the earliest noteworthy fan-made Harry Potter RPG—coming all the way from ye olde year 2002. A genre that actually has surprisingly few entries. There are a few others, which I may review at a later date.
If it seems like I’m being uncharacteristically kind in this review, it’s because this is a fan-made freely-distributed game. And I’m not going to hold it to the same standards as a commercial product.

The Veggie Patch

Medieval (comedic, fantasy)
Polgarus Games
2006

Introduction
If there’s one thing that grabs my attention when it comes to a role-playing game, it’s putting players into non-traditional roles—as evidenced by my glowing review of Creeks and Crawdads. Sure playing a musclebound barbarian or a suave space pirate is fun, but it doesn’t really pose much of a challenge to one’s creativity. But you know what does pose such a challenge? Playing as sentient vegetables, and as you may have already figured out, that is exactly what The Veggie Patch offers.

Xtraor

Post-Apocalyptic
New Realms Publishing
2016
Complexity: 4

Introduction
Here at SWotIRORG I review obscure role-playing games. That is technically what Xtraor is, and as such, I am reviewing it. Admittedly, I went into this with some pretty low expectations—I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but seriously, look at that cover. And for the most part my expectations were about right, but there is still something worth looking at here, otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered writing up this review.

Creeks and Crawdads

Post-Apocalyptic (animal, comedic)
Crustaceum Games
1986

Introduction
Creeks and Crawdads is a post-apocalyptic role-playing game with a twist, no rugged armored sports car driving heroes, no scantily-clad three-breasted pyrokinetic mutant babes, no cyborg bears with laser eyes, just sapient crawdads. Yes, in this world only the lowliest creatures survived the atomic war and you play as hyper-intelligent mutated crawdads. Just to be clear here, when I say “hyper-intelligent” I of course mean by crawdad standards, by human standards they’re profoundly stupid. For example, the most intelligent crawdads have the noteworthy abilities of being able to count to 7, remember how many members are in their group and all their names, and remember things for several “sleeps.” So let’s dive in—okay I swear that’s the only aquatic pun—and check it out.